Condoleezza Rice - Sloth

Let's play a quick game of word association. I'll say a word and you tell me the first word that pops into your head. Ready? Here goes:

Republican.

Now if you are a good Republican, the first word you should have thought of is "Jesus". If it didn't, you better sit down, pick up your Bible and start rocking back and forth while reading. Read that motherfucker front to back... and then read it again, you filthy heathen.

This is what your Republican Masters demand of you and you must oblige to remain on the Karl Rove fax list. And you don't want to be left out of the club, do you? Do you?!?

Finished? Great. Now we may continue.

Certainly in your readings you were taken aback by the similarities between Jesus and our Republican Masters. I mean, who wouldn't be? Our crop of Glorious Ones are busy trying to turn our Great Land into a real life Jack Chick tract. If it's in that Bible, they live it.. and they do their part to widen the tent Jesus has pitched whenever they get the chance.

I mean, let's just pull a Republican out of the hat and check their Christian Credentials. I bet we can't find one who would be so slothy as to ignore their faith.

Let's see... Condoleeza Rice. Potential 2008 Presidential Nominee. Attached to the hip of George Bush. Big on oil. We shouldn't have any problems when we run her name through the Bible Background Check program.

Tappity tap tap.. Enter.. dum dee dum...

Hmm.

Tappity tappity tap. Enter.. This certainly will reveal something...

Well, Jesus Fucking Christ on a meat platter. Her fucking Dad was a Reverend, for Christ's (aka Bush's) sake! She has to spread the word whenever she gets the chance, right?

Tap tap tap...

Fuck!

There's nothing, my friends. No testimonials. No praise for the Mighty One. No Witnessing. No stories about curing leprosy.

And what's with the black boots?:



Those are "Dig 'Em Into His Back While Takin' it Missionary" boots.

Listen, someone needs to get ahold of her and tell that there's no way she'll be the Republican nominee if she keeps her religion "personal". Seriously. The Chosen Ones demand adherence. This may require an intervention.

Proverbs 26:14
The door turneth round on its hinge, And the slothful on his bed.

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Rush Limbaugh - Lust

Friends, you know why I'm here. You knew this was coming. It was only a matter of time.

Oh, you haven't heard?

Well then let me be the first to tell you that Rush Limbaugh can't get a throbbing, veiny boner anymore.

Yes, my friends, we learn this courtesy of US Customs who found a bottle of those sinful blue pills the heathen masses call Viagra in Rush's knapsack.

Now, I know, I know.. We can't possibly be expected to believe that Rush would be using this Viagra to get a 4-hour flesh-dagger which he would then fumble with and eventually put into a bone dry Dominican pool boy's sphincter, can we?

I mean, when it comes to Rush, it's safe-sex.. hell.. NO sex unless he is in a Bible-Approved relationship. Just listen to him preach him the dangers of unprotected sex:

Abstinence prevents sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy -every time it's tried.

And how could we forget the following missive from Rush's book "The Way Things Ought to Be" (which, I might add, is being considered as an addendum to the Holy Bible!):

I have stated elsewhere in this book, and I state it again here, that there are many people who wish to go through life guilt-free and engage in behavior they know to be wrong and morally vacant. In order to assuage their guild they attempt to construct and impose policies which not only allow them to engage in their chosen activities but encourage others to do so as well. There is, after all, strength in numbers. Promiscuous and self-gratifying, of-the-moment sex is but one of these chosen lifestyles.

Take that, Liberal Template! You just can't contain Rush when he's on fire!

He knows the score in the Morality Wars.

And his wife stands right besi... um... What's that? He's divorced? Oh come on, now.. these things happen..

He's been married three times?

Is that a crackling fire I hear in the distance?

Romans 13:13
Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy.

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Michael Fumento - Pride

While doing research on another yet-to-be-named Sinner, I came across this guy named Michael Fumento. I took one look at his picture...



...and, well, became hypnotized by his piercing stare.

After I broke free, I began to look around his site a little bit. Let's see... science writer for Scripps Howard News Service, a contributor to Townhall, a Senior Fellow at the Hudson Institute... Wait, the same Hudson Institute that counts Richard Perle as a Trustee? I smell Conservative!!!

But the Hudson Mission Statement says it's a "non-partisan" entity...

So it was off to Google to confirm my suspicions. Sure enough, I came across a site called "Republican Voices" within which I found the following solid connection between the word "Republican" and "Michael Fumento":

What I do know is that my colleague, Michael Fumento, one of the leading science writers in the nation...

I think that the company you keep tells a lot about what kind of person you are. So if someone is associated with Richard Perle and the guy that writes "Republican Voices", it's pretty safe to assume that he is a Republican himself.

And looking at his body of work, it's not a stretch to say that he is indeed a Republican. He just never admits it. And that frustrated me.

Witness a sampling of his work:

Time again to try to cripple U.S. military efforts in Iraq! It's not enough that whenever we bomb a terrorist safe house we're accused of killing 40 civilians and no terrorists. (Why always 40?) Nor that we're told we must turn the prisons at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay into genteel facilities fit for Martha Stewart. Now the defeat-niks are screaming about our use of white phosphorus during the bloody battle for Fallujah last year.

Does that sound like a Democrat to you?

Of course not! If he were a Democrat he would be calling for the death of every single soldier, right? He'd keep on repeating how much he hated the troops and how much he wanted to fuck their mothers. He'd be suggesting that the soldiers defect to the Iraqi insurgency. Obviously, Michael's a True American Patriot and would never do such a thing. Thus, he's Republican.

Yet for being a Republican, and writing for a Catholic Opinion journal named Crisis, he doesn't profess his Faith that much. Either he doesn't really believe in God or he's just too busy finding new ways to stretch science to fit what all his God-Fearing readers want and expect to hear.

For example, it's not a stretch to say that Republicans are tight with the tobacco companies.

...But what person would go against decades of research to tell you that cigarette smoke isn't harmful?

Michael Fumento would:

I noted that the other "authoritative" study linking passive smoke to lung cancer, commissioned by the World Health Organization, actually showed a statistically significant reduced risk for children of smokers and no increase for spouses and co-workers of smokers. For spouses and co-workers of smokers, it found no increased or decreased risk.

And I told them that the largest of the passive smoking studies (35,000 participants) and longest (39 years) found no "causal relationship between exposure to environmental tobacco smoke (passive smoking) and tobacco-related mortality."

...AIDS only infects homosexuals and Africans?

Michael Fumento agrees:

The chief reason it's so hard to spread HIV vaginally is that, as biopsies of vaginal and cervical tissue show, the virus is unable to penetrate or infect healthy vaginal or cervical tissue. Various sexually transmitted diseases allow vaginal HIV infection, but even those appear to increase the risk only by about 2-4 times.

So if vaginal intercourse can't explain the awful African epidemic, what can? Surely it's not homosexuality, since we've been told there is none in Africa. In fact, the practice has long been widespread.

For example, German anthropologist Kurt Falk reported in the 1920s that bisexuality was almost universal among the male populations of African tribes he studied. Medical records also show that African men who insist they're straighter than the proverbial arrow often suffer transmissible anorectal diseases.

...If your silicone breast implants leak, it's good for you?

Michael Fumento, you guessed it, concurs:

And remember, a rupture simply means more surgery – not illness. The myriad aforementioned studies inevitably and sometimes exclusively looked at women with ruptured implants.

...Agent Orange isn't harmful?

Michael Fumento sprinkles the shit on his Wheaties:

If you believe Agent Orange or dioxin caused the excess prostate and skin cancers, you must also accept that it prevented stomach tumors. But nobody will say that; certainly nobody in the media mentioned the stomach cancers.

...And finally, who can write a story claiming that the media is trying to scare women into thinking they have a higher risk of breast cancer than they actually do...

The story concerned a study in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute (JNCI), which found that surveyed women thought they had at least a one in five chance of developing breast cancer in the next 10 years. The actual risk is about one in 43. The surveyed women also thought they had about a one in ten chance of ultimately dying of the disease. Their actual chance: about 1 in 250.

How could these poor women be so far off?

First, women are told repeatedly that breast cancer is an epidemic, the definition of epidemic being a sudden increase a disease considerably above that which had been occurring. A search of the Nexis computer database of media outlets using "breast cancer" within 15 words of "epidemic" finds no fewer than 681 references. Many of these are extremely prominent, as in the cover of the May 1994 issue of Life magazine: "Fighting Back Against the Breast Cancer Epidemic."

...and then turn around and write a story that claims that abortions cause breast cancer?

I know that saying the media use double standards is about as startling as noting that large spiders with hairy legs are ugly. But every once in awhile along comes a spider that is, well, particularly large, hairy, and ugly and bites you right on the butt.

Such an arachnid has dropped from its web in the fuss and furor over a study appearing in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, which found that abortion appears to increase the chance of developing breast cancer by 30 percent. The team of four authors was led by Dr. Joel Brind of Baruch College, in New York. They estimated that 5,000 American women develop breast cancer each year as a result of having had an abortion.

Michael Fumento.

Clearly this man is going straight to Hell. On top of telling God's Children that smoking is okay, Michael's Pride has lead him from the path of The Humble and placed him on a path where he constantly needs to be the center of attention. Oh, and he places Faith in scientific research. No True Believer would ever do that.

Michael still writes on his blog. (You can find more pink-tinted, fuzzy pictures of him there.)

Proverbs 29:23
The pride of man humbleth him, And humility of spirit upholdeth honour.

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James West - Lust

Now you may of may not have ever heard of James West but, believe me, you should have.

Mr. West is the Republican Mayor of Spokane, Washington.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Washington? Why, that place if full of nothing but dope-smokin' hippies, heroin junkies and wacko-jacko environmentalists that make Greenpeace look like Ranger Rick!"

But follow me, my misguided friends, outside of your view of Washington. Yes, Seattle had Nirvana and people do heroin in Washington, but once you get out into the sticks, it's Republican country.

And we all know what that means: Lovin' the Bible and hatin' some gays.

And James West reflected that with every fiber in his body.

Would anybody other than a true Republican who walked side by side with God say this:

"Pray that God comes into their body and mind to give them strength, because sometimes doing the right thing is not easy," West said. "… Pray that when they stray and that they do stupid things or that they do bad things that they can come back to the path."

West told the crowd of about 150 people that he learned the power of prayer after he was diagnosed with cancer and people talked to him about praying for him.

"While I believed in God, I had not developed a personal relationship with God," he said.

West, who spoke for about 10 minutes, also asked people to show tolerance for others and expressed the goal of making Spokane a "city of love."

"God commands us to love your neighbor as yourself. He doesn't say tolerate your neighbor," West said. "… If we're going to be a city and a blessed city, we must love everybody."

The audience responded warmly to West, applauding after he spoke and offering a prayer on his behalf.

Okay. "He's got the Christian part down," you say, "But does he share our Heartland™ Moral Compass?"

Witness:

— In January 1986, West and 14 other state House Republicans introduced a bill to bar gays and lesbians from working in schools, daycare centers and some state agencies. The bill, which called for firing state workers whose sexual identities became known, failed. Also in 1986, he voted to bar the state from distributing pamphlets telling people how to protect themselves from AIDS during sex.

— West opposed gay rights bills introduced in 1985 and 1987.

— In 1998, as a senator, West voted for the Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as between a man and a woman.

— In 2003, West, as Senate majority leader, bottled up a gay rights bill in committee, where it died.

— As incoming mayor of Spokane in November 2003, West opposed giving benefits to domestic partners of City Hall workers; the City Council approved domestic partner benefits in a 5-2 vote in April — enough to withstand a mayoral veto that did not occur.

Let me give the Conservative ladies a few moments to catch their breath. I know what your thinking... If you weren't such a God-fearing person, you'd be riding Jim's cock 'til your moist coochie was raw.

But Mr. West has other plans for his moral pillar, if you know what I mean. First and foremost, he wants to jam it into some tight anus. But not just any kind of anus.. he wants tight, young boy anus.

A small sampling:

West file reveals link to profile on Gay.com
-Spokane Mayor Jim West used his city computer to view Internet information about a young gay man in Fresno, Calif., while he was there on a government-paid trip for a presidential commission, public records released Thursday suggest.

A file on West's computer, identically matching the unique screen name of a young man whose profile is posted at Gay.com, was included among uncontested material released Thursday with the approval of West and his attorneys.

West accessed sex sites on trips
-A day before Spokane Mayor Jim West left on a Chamber of Commerce-sponsored business trip to Washington, D.C., public records show he used his city-owned computer to examine online profiles – some of them sexually explicit – of dozens of young gay men living there.

Traveling on to Philadelphia as part of the same trip this spring, the 54-year-old West used his city computer again to check out 82 more profiles of gay men, most of whom were in their 20s, computer records reveal.

West's Web links revealing
-Computer records show Mayor Jim West's taxpayer-owned laptop contained links to images of men engaged in sex acts with other men.

Internet "history" files left behind on West's computer also show it was used to view close-ups of male genitalia and sexually explicit poses by various men, many of them in their 20s.

Man claims West molested him at least four times as a boy
-On another occasion, while hanging out with other youngsters near East Bowl, Galliher said, he was again picked up and sodomized by West, who was on duty. According to the documents, Galliher said he was verbally threatened and intimidated into believing his mother or brother would be arrested if he talked about the abuse.

James West was ousted as Mayor of Spokane in a recent recall election. According to the Spokesman Review:

West said he wasn't surprised when results were announced. Although others around him broke into tears, including his father, West said he remained dry-eyed Tuesday night. His father quietly left Stratton's house without saying goodbye to his defeated son.

Christmas dinner at the West household is going to be fun this year!

Corinthians 6:18
Flee the whoredom; every sin -- whatever a man may commit -- is without the body, and he who is committing whoredom, against his own body doth sin.

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Haley Barbour - Anger

Good ol' Haley Barbour.

You may know him as the sweet talkin' Governor of Mississippi. You may also know him as the former head of the Republican National Committee with that irresistible Southern drawl.

Or you may know him as "The Man Who Walks Beside Jesus But Just Happens to Be The Governor of A Gulf State Which Was Affected By Hurricane Katrina Who Didn't Come Down On the President For Doing Next To Nothing In the Wake Of the Hurricane".

You see, my friends, Mr. Barbour is the kind of Republican that makes all the Conservative girls blush and get a little motion in their ocean. If there's a Bible around him you can bet he's gripping it tight and doing all he can to keep himself from publicly inserting his penis into it to show his love for the Word.

I know what you're saying, "Gee, I hear you talking about his love of the Book but, hey, I need proof!"

Witness...

In April 2005, Mr. Barbour signed a bill into law that allows posting of religious documents on public property:

"When I went to Yazoo High, we started each day with prayer and a Ten Commandments monument stood right outside the front door on the grounds of the school. Those were good things back then, and they would be good things today," Barbour said.

Mmm yes, my brother. A Man of the Cloth and a Republican. I can smell the Love of Jesus from here.

And if that's not enough, upon being elected Governor, he had an entire prayer service devoted to him. And I would bet my bottom dollar that Good Ol' Haley thrust his hands high while listening to the sermon:

Secondly, we are to acknowledge that God ordained government. Let me ask you to look at Romans 13:1 and the second half of that verse especially. There Paul says, “For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.” Christians recognize that all legitimate government authority finds its source and root in God, and it is God’s transcendent law which we believe establishes all civil liberties and which establishes the rule of law in the land. And it’s important for us to remember, my friends, that our founding fathers, all of them, believed the same thing—Christians and Jews, Protestants and Catholics, Deists and Rationalists—all knew that if there was no transcendent law, there could not be unalienable rights, there could not be civil liberties, because those rights and liberties, if they are not based on an unchanging law, can be changed by the tyranny of 50% + 1 margins. No, unless the law of this land, and unless the rights and civil liberties of this land, are grounded in an unchanging transcendent moral law, then we are at the disposal of those who would take those liberties. That’s one reason our Governor-elect likes to say this, “Times change, but morals don’t,” because those morals are rooted in the unchanging, transcendent law of God. That’s why it’s not okay to be a racist, because God in His own transcendent order has established that we would honor the image of God in all men and women. And thus, because of His transcendent order, there is equity in the way that we relate to one another. And so, Christians are to acknowledge that God ordained government.

And that's just scratching the surface, my friends. The Republican Party should hoist this Man up as high as they can. (But not too high as we wouldn't want to scorch his precious angel wings.)

So what would you say if I told you Haley will be turned away from the Gates of Heaven and be pushed down a razor-blade bannister that leads to Hell's Wastewater Treatment Facility?

For the truth is, Haley isn't quite as full of the love and honey that the Bible demands it's soldiers be full of.

What other than Unforgivable Sin could explain the following:

During the 2003 election, the CCC was at the center of another controversy involving the endorsement of a major politician. In July, Mississippi Republican gubernatorial nominee Haley Barbour, who served as Chairman of the Republican National Committee from 1993 to 1997, attended a CCC-sponsored barbecue. Though the attendance of local Republican and Democratic office-seekers at political events partly sponsored by the CCC usually evokes little controversy, this year the group posted on its Web site a photo of Barbour at the barbecue.

The photo was placed directly above a variety of racist and anti-Semitic materials, including an essay by outspoken anti-Semite Edgar J. Steele entitled "In Defense of Racism" and tracts urging that Germany be cleared of the "blood libel" of the Holocaust. Numerous civil rights organizations, including the NAACP, called on Barbour to ask the CCC to remove the photo, but Barbour, whose campaign included a pledge to preserve a version of the Mississippi state flag that includes an emblem of the Confederate flag, refused to do so. Though he condemned some of the views expressed on the CCC Web site as "indefensible," he insisted that the photo was in the public domain and could be used freely, by anyone. For its part, CCC Field Director Bill Lord said that the posting was a publicity stunt and should not be construed as an endorsement. Barbour won the election, and was sworn in as Governor of Mississippi in January 2004. The photo was removed from the site shortly after his victory.

"But he's big and jolly like Santa! He.. he.. he just couldn't be like that... he's got a Southern accent and talks about pecans," you say. So how about this classic from 1982:

"The racial sensitivity at Barbour headquarters was suggested by an exchange between the candidate and an aide who complained that there would be `coons' at a campaign stop at the state fair. Embarrassed that a reporter heard this, Mr. Barbour warned that if the aide persisted in racist remarks, he would be reincarnated as a watermelon and placed at the mercy of blacks."

And in response to the "looting" ("finding" if you were white) done post-Katrina primarily by poor blacks who had next to nothing before Katrina, Haley had this to say:

"I've urged the highway patrol and national guard to treat looters ruthlessly. ... The rules of engagement will be as ruthless as the law allows."

Can you feel that Bible-Mandated love?

And this guy's name is bandied about as a possible 2008 Presidential Candidate? This guy has a one way ticket to having his colon filled up vomit via a turkey baster lined with rusty tacks by Satan himself!

At this point, I'm sure our Republican readers are busy looking up Robert Byrd quotes but, c'mon people, at least that old racist piece of shit has fessed up to his past and has made efforts to reconcile his image. Haley? He just quietly sits by with his lemonade and lets fuckheads like Free Republic try to shine his shit covered boots. Meanwhile, he's lining his cotton knickers with cash and votes from racists.

Where's my proof, you say? Well prove to me he isn't! If Rush can consider people guilty until proven innocent, so can the rest of us.

But I digress. Anger has consumed Ol' Haley's heart. And he uses that Anger for personal gain.

Did someone order a flesh-eating bacteria happy meal?

Mark 12:31
The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these."

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Letter from the Editor - Limited Engagement

Friends, freinds... Yes, it has been a while.

But in the Research Section of Hell there isn't a clock. Oh no, my friends. In the Research Section there is but one thing: hot, bloody, shit-covered Sin. And coffee.

Luckily, I had a connection down there who hooked me up with a set of headphones, an internet connection and a link to BBC Radio 1 (shameless plug) so I could shield my ears from the Cries of the Damned while I poured through the Pages of Sin in search of sweet, sweet Republican Sinners.

And, boy howdy, let me tell you, there are some things that will make even the most ardent Conservative piss their golfing trousers in disgust.

It seems our Republican Leaders have a propensity to... come a little closer... a little closer... just lean towards me just a bit...HAVE HOURS OF BLOODY, UNLUBRICATED ANAL SEX IN THE PRIVACY OF THEIR FALLOUT SHELTER!!! Excuse me.. I meant SIN!!!

Same thing in their book, though, right?

Whatever the case, stay tuned, my friends. This space will once again spring to Life, if only for a limited time.

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Tom Delay - Greed

HOLY SHIT ON A STICK!

Yes, friends, the real world has given me a gift called "Spring Break" and it has given me the opportunity to continue my quest to consolidate the Great Acts of Satan that are perpetrated by our Republican friends.

(So if you want to help out around this blog, let me know, because it may be even longer until I am able to post again!)

And I know I'm a little late jumping into the Tom Delay Hatefest but I believe to stay somewhat relevant in the "Blogs that List Republican Sinners" niche, I need to give Delay his due.

We should all know by now that Tom Delay wants us to believe he sprung forth from the pages of The Bible when he was born. Just take a look-see at what he wrote to Rev. Lou Sheldon's Traditional Values Coalition:

DeLay has endorsed a campaign by the Rev. Lou Sheldon's Traditional Values Coalition (TVC), which claims in a recent fund-raising letter that it will raise $12.6 million to "stop the all-out assault on Christians being waged by our government, by America's educational institutions, by the media and throughout popular culture."

The TVC appeal, which is currently circulating nationwide, includes a one-page endorsement letter from DeLay lauding Sheldon and the group's work. In the letter, DeLay calls Sheldon "a dear friend" and implores recipients to send money to the TVC.

"For the last 40 years, the anti-Christian Left in America has waged a sustained attack against faith in God, traditional moral norms, the rule of law and the traditional marriage-based family," writes DeLay. He asserts "the anti-Christian Left considers TVC its #1 enemy in the great civil war of values raging in America today."

Continues the DeLay letter, "TVC is fighting in the halls of Congress to roll back this 40-year assault on America's Christian heritage and the traditional moral values that made America great."

Mini-Jesus, anyone?

Surely at this point you must be wondering how a man with such deep, Christian values could make it to this list. Read on:

Democrats who controlled the House years ago actually took violations seriously and punished their own leaders -- Mr. Wright was accused of 69 violations of House rules by a unanimous vote of all 12 members of the ethics panel, six Democrats and six Republicans. By way of contrast, Mr. DeLay's behavior and his cavalier treatment of the ethics committee have gone from bad to worse . . . to appalling.

First, Mr. DeLay purged the leadership and staff of the House Ethics Committee after it twice admonished him last year for his activities. Rep. Joel Hefley, a longtime conservative Republican who wanted to remain chairman, was removed, and two senior staff lawyers were fired.

Then he stacked the panel with his own cronies. Now, in a move that reeks of ''institutional corruption,'' two of these new panel members have given money to a legal-defense fund created by Mr. DeLay after the indictment of two of his closest political associates in Texas and reports that the majority leader may be a grand-jury target.

Rep. Lamar Smith of Texas gave $10,000 to the Tom DeLay Legal Expense Trust, and Rep. Tom Cole of Oklahoma gave $5,000. To make matters worse, if such is possible, new disclosures over the weekend tie Mr. DeLay to a $70,000 boondoggle that -- if true -- would violate House ethics rules prohibiting certain payments for travel expenses.

Mr. DeLay may in fact be guilty of no wrongdoing, but his actions and those of his most ardent backers betray a cynical indifference to congressional ethics. If House Republicans aren't blind to their oversight responsibilities, they will remove ethics panel members who have already taken sides on behalf of Mr. DeLay and displayed an arrogant disregard for what the public may think.

It would appear the good, ol' Mr. Values is having a problem with ethics. Now what kind of example is that sending to the people, the children, the unborn children, the sperm and the eggs?

If you go ahead and take off your political blinders for a moment, it shows that Tom Delay used religious rhetoric to obtain a position of power after which his Greedy ways have led him into battle with the ethics committee.

The fucking ethics committee, people! Didn't Delay get elected for his values?

Saint Tommy is still a member of the House. He's still a popular Republican and has yet to go Jimmy Swaggart on us.



We're waiting, though.

Ezekiel 33:31
My people come to you, as they usually do, and sit before you to listen to your words, but they do not put them into practice. With their mouths they express devotion, but their hearts are greedy for unjust gain.

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NHL Players and Owners - Greed

(From the "Old News but, Hey, I Needed to Get This Off My Chest and I Haven't Updated My Blog in a While" Department)

Are they Republicans? I don't know and I really don't fucking care.

These Greedy bastards seemingly can't agree that the sky is blue. You know, NHL, you do have fans that love to pay you to watch hockey. Don't forget that.

Having no hockey sucks.

Go to hell, NHL (and figure something out for next year, please).

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Letter from the Editor - Safe Mode

If you're wondering if I will ever put a new post up here, the answer is "Yes!".

However, I have been overwhelmed by my workload recently and have had absolutely zero time to post, let alone, visit my favorite blogs.

I just wanted to put something up here before people started delinking me from their blogrolls.

There are still a lot of Republicans out there who are begging to be written about and I am the one to forever immortalize the moment they get caught with their penis (or breasts, for the Republican ladies) in the meat grinder (literally).

So hold tight, friends. I shall post when I shall. And I shall post when I shall not have a shitload of other things with real-life implications to take up my time.

Please get your virtue on and be patient.

Thank you.

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Lindsey Graham - Greed

I know, I know... It's been a while.

But if you had my schedule, well, you'd understand. There's a lot of paperwork that Sin Reapers need to fill out and you know The Boss was breathing down my neck... weekend shifts... doubles... reports... It's just been plain Hellish.

The Wheel still spins, however, and it has landed on the man that Kos once touted as a "Democrat by night."

Lest Kos forget, Lindsey (aka Stinkball), is a Conservative Republican.

You want credentials? Lindsey, along with other Conservative Greats like John Ashcroft and Asa Hutchinson, have received honorary degrees from that Haven 'o Racism.. err.. Republican Conservativism, Bob Jones University.

Not only that:

"The Rev. Dr. Bob Jones called Graham a heavyweight who could fill Strom Thurmond's shoes."

So folks, we all know what this means: God-fearing morals, All His Ways All his Days, living by the Book, blah blah blah.

In short, if Jesus were to step down on the planet and decide that America was His Country (screw the rest of the planet and the Democrats), he would most surely run for office under the psuedonym Lindsey Graham, declare himself a Republican and attempt to turn the US into a country based on the Bible rather than laws because that's what Conservatives (aka God's People) do. Right?

Um. Sure.

Oh, and I forgot to add that he would join the military to go torture and kill some swarthy brown-skinned evil ones in the name of Freedom, like all real, good, Conservatives Republicans do.

Now I'll give Lindsey some credit as he seems much more interested in Veteran's Affairs than in turning the US into a theocracy but something tells me that he wouldn't mind being viewed as a theocrat from time to time to get those votes.

Witness:

Today the Yurica Report learned that on February 11 , 2004 Dominionist leaders in congress made their move; they introduced a bill in both houses called The Constitution Restoration Act of 2004. Among the sponsors of the bill are Rep. Robert Aderholt (Alabama), Rep. Michael Pence (Indiana), Sen. Richard Shelby of Alabama, Sen. Zell Miller (Georgia), Sen. Sam Brownback (Kansas), and Sen. Lindsey Graham (South Carolina).

And the bill, itself, reads:

`Sec. 1260. Matters not reviewable

`Notwithstanding any other provision of this chapter, the Supreme Court shall not have jurisdiction to review, by appeal, writ of certiorari, or otherwise, any matter to the extent that relief is sought against an element of Federal, State, or local government, or against an officer of Federal, State, or local government (whether or not acting in official personal capacity), by reason of that element's or officer's acknowledgement of God as the sovereign source of law, liberty, or government.'.

In short: Christian Church? Meet State. Have Bible-Approved fun!

Nation of Laws? Goodbye!

Lindsey Graham supports this bill. I told you that he wouldn't mind being viewed as a theocrat but you didn't believe me. Did you? Democrat by night, my pearly white, never-seen-by-the-sun-unless-I-bend-over-to-pick- something-up-off-the-ground-and-my-pants-sag-too-low-thus-revealing- the-upper-portion-of-my-posterior, ass!

He also wouldn't mind being a War-Hardened Veteran from time to time to get those votes and that's where we come in.

Straight from Lindsey's bio, we get this:

An Operation Desert Shield and Desert Storm veteran.

No clarification needed, right? Veteran. He surely must have bombed tons of Iraqis into creamy blood-and-meat goulash... compassioniately and with respect for life (because he's Conservative, remember).

Him and Slider would play volleyball after chasing off Iraqi MIGs, he had a motorcycle, a rivalry with Iceman and Kelly McGillis was there. Lindsey was just doin' his part in spreadin' freedom.

And, of course, we should all take Lindsey at his word because, I mean, he's a Man of God.

So imagine the horror that Conservatives feel when they read this from an interview Lindsey did with the National Guard Magazine:

And finally, I stayed behind [during Desert Storm] dealing mostly with family issues and deployment issues, and it gave me a real sensitivity to the stresses that families go through.

Stayed behind? Stayed behind?! But.. but.. You're a Veteran! You said so, yourself!

Well, wouldn't you know that just KILLED his reputation amongst Conservative Republicans. Just take a look at the fallout from his embellishment:

(cricket noises)

Rush skewered him! He'll never be elected or considered worthy of being Republican again! Witness:

(cricket noises)

(wolf howling in the background)

So what behavior does this represent? And what does the Good Book think about this kind of behavior?

Well, as you can see from the title of the post, this constitutes as Greed. Lindsey is obviously seeking material gain (a seat in the Senate) by ignoring the realm of the Spiritual.

Does "Thou shall not lie" ring any bells? You know, the reason why Lindsey sponsored that bill I mentioned above? The Ten Commandments? Judge Roy Black?

And what does the Good Book say about this kind of behavior? Well, it involves a lot crackling, whips and goats.

Lindsey Graham is currently a Senator from South Carolina. He is often mentioned as a contender for the 2008 Presidential Crown.

Peter 2:2-4
Many will follow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping. For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them into gloomy dungeons to be held for judgment

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J. Grant Swank - Pride

"Geez, Jesse. You're really digging into the bottom of the barrel here, aren't you?"

And you'd be right. But J. Grant Swank, a religion writer for the Magic City Morning Star in Millinocket, Maine, caught my eye while I was researching the one and only Antonin Scalia for a future entry in the List. I had never heard of him and I doubt that anyone within 5 miles of Millinocket, Maine has ever heard of him, either.

And when the title of his most recent story is "Religious Issues: Clone Scalia Nationwide", you don't really need to to dig much deeper to realize that Mr. Swank is a Conservative Republican. A Bush Voter. A Moral King who lives by The Book. A humble servant of God.

He should have just named his story: "What I Learned at the Kool-Aid Punch Social: Antonin Scalia is Jesus Re-Incarnate. And It's About Fucking Time. Line Up to be Judged!"

Who knows... Maybe this post will be his break into the "big time" and he'll get a deal with Fox News. However, I doubt he'd want to be known for being lambasted on Republican Sinners. But that's neither here nor there.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I hear you say. "Get on with it!"

Very well.

It is often stated that the perpetrators of 9/11 had hijacked the Islamic religion and molded the words of the Quran to fit their desires. And, you know what, I would have to agree with that assessment. I think a lot of people would agree with that.

I'm no scholar of the Quran but I can bet that there aren't too many parts about killing mass numbers of people to do away with that Evil "Freedom" thing (for our Conservative readers). And I doubt that there's a passage in there that encourages followers to pay attention to the foreign policies of the United States Government and use that as a rationale for killing thousands of innocent Americans (for our Liberal readers).

And the people that misinterpret the Quran are regarded as full of Pride and full of Evil, right?

They're full of Pride for disregarding the true meaning of the Text, mocking people who find a different, maybe more peaceful, meaning in the Text, and turning that misguided view into the Law of the Land, even though some people might disagree with it (and therefore suffer the consequences of being different). They're full of Evil for using the Text as a reason to denigrate certain people.

So we all agree on these points up to now (I'm assuming).

So what would you call it when J. Grant Swank says something like this:

That reminds me of liberal theologians. They do the same with the Bible. They make it out to say whatever they want it to say. That's what the United Church of Christ (Congregational) denomination is doing today with their cute slogan saying believers should not put a period where God puts a comma. They've got signs purporting that, such unbiblical dogma plastered on church lawns throughout the country.

What does that mean don't put a period where deity has placed a comma? It means exactly what the UCC liberals want it to mean. Specifically, they are referring to the practicing homosexual lifestyle. They conclude that the Bible has a comma on that matter. In other words, God continues his revelation into present-tense with other than what He revealed in the Holy Scripture. Therefore, today's liberal theologians have the mind of the Holy Spirit when they endorse practicing homosexuality as heaven blessed.

If that's not a crock I don't know what is. In other words, God doesn't know what He's thinking and what He's saying when He gives His believing community the Scriptures. So He can contradict Himself for today He approves of the same gender having sex while in the past it was an abomination.

So that's what the liberal theologians are doing in the UCC, Episcopal Church and Evangelical Lutheran Church of America and wherever else they can find heretical wiggle room in their mainline denominations. Of course, such rewriting of the Bible does not square with God and such apostate religious leaders will answer severely at the Judgment Seat of Christ. God in fact has placed a period in His revelation when it comes to practicing homosexual lifestyles. There is absolutely no comma there anywhere, ever, nowhere.

So just as the liberal church leaders are committing sacrilege, so Scalia claims the opportunistic judges are committing unpatriotic acts of injustice by twisting the plain text of the Constitution to serve their own liberal, un-American politically correct ends.

He then goes on to quote passages of the Bible that support his view on homosexuality.

So, in what manner is he using the Bible here?

It's two-fold. One, to say that homosexuality is a sin and that churches that accept the homosexual lifestyle are Satanic. Two, to express his belief that Christianity should guide lawmakers here in America: The Land of Immigrants. He also uses undertones to say that Liberals are the same as terrorists.

I'm not going to get into the specifics of what the Bible says on homosexuality but, rather, look at how he weaves the Constitution into a discussion on Christianity.

Now, where in the Bible does it state that Governments should use the Bible as a guidepost for laws? Where in the Bible does it state that people who are different shouldn't be loved?

I believe the only people the Bible are talking about are people who profess to be Christian. It doesn't talk about world domination and running Governments based on the Bible. It talks about people in Government using Christianity in their own lives.

Ask the majority of Christian's what Jesus was about and they'll say one thing: Love.

And the Constitution? It's a legal document. And even Mr. Swank's hero, Antonin Scalia, notes:

"The Constitution says what it says and does not say what it does not say."

Does the Constitution say anything about gay people? Anything about the Bible? Anything about Jesus? Anything about Love?

No. It doesn't, my friends. It talks about inalienable rights bestowed upon people so that everyone can be a part of America, no matter what religion the writers happened to be.

Sadly, Mr. Swank is guilty of the same Sin he is accusing "Liberal" theologians of. Molding what the Bible says to fit his own vision. A vision where the Constitution is replaced by the Bible and outsiders are shunned and pushed away.

That doesn't sound like Christian Love to me. It sounds like a God Complex.

And Mr. Swank is too Proud and so confident of himself to realize it.

J. Grant Swank is still writing scores of columns for the Magic City Morning Star.

Jeremiah 49:16
The terror you inspire and the pride of your heart have deceived you,
you who live in the clefts of the rocks, who occupy the heights of the hill.
Though you build your nest as high as the eagle's, from there I will bring you down," declares the LORD .

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